Unsatiable
Entry 1! How exciting . . or at least the "new save point" to begin from ♪
A critical failing in my character is the desire to be "filled," to be whole. I believe this to be the greatest flaw I have. In a way, some could view it as greed, I used to think of it that way too. The issue, I found, was that I never quite achieve satisfaction. What I wish for, to me, sounds simple in practice. However, it seems that no amount of indulgence quenches this thirst. This hole that resides in me remains unsated.
It's a bit laughable. Those who speak to me of fulfilling my desires are the farthest from what I need. They say what I want to hear, but they're fraudulent in every way. All this nonsense of fighting for me, of caring for me—It serves as a form of affirmation, I suppose. The wanting that afflicts me truly is a pipe dream. A fantasy. There are things I am not allowed to have. If I must possess them, they will take the most unhealthy shape. One that will nauseate me. One that will rot me from the inside out. I must not bite the apple, for it will poison me. No matter how starved.
The irony of it all is that I am not enough to satisfy anyone either. Even if I were to make everyone gorge themselves on what I have to offer, there are more gratifying options elsewhere. I am only one of many spoils. Besides, no matter how dressed up you are . . it doesn't mean what's inside is pleasant. I don't melt on the tongue. There's too much bitterness, or spiciness, or sweetness, or saltiness—or, perhaps nothing at all. ˆ𐃷ˆ Not to worry! I have made peace with it. At least, I'll keep telling myself that. Hah!
There is nothing I can ask for because there is nothing more I can give. My heart, my mind, my blood, my bones . . All that sustains me. Everyone can possess it all. Siphon me down. It may not fill anyone. Still, someone has to eat, don't they? If I cannot alleviate my own hunger, I might as well be devoured. It's a dog eat dog world. Though, I'll be partaken in by who I choose.
Side Note: I only just realized I have full circled back to Appetite of a People-Pleaser! Wow. Sometimes we never change, do we?